we can stay like this forever

picspam: Ad Astra Per Aspera

Tue, 13 May 2008 21:13:20 GMT

Last night's Gossip Girl was so good that I had to picspam. Rufus and I both like to express ourselves through art that way.

PICSPAM: AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

Rufus realizes for the fifteenth time that morning that his kids really suck. Dan's all, "Oh, I totally forgot about your gig even though you've been putting in little reminders written in grape jelly in our SHAMEFUL BROWN BAG LUNCHES every morning for a month!" Rufus, feeling giddy because VH1 might finally bring back Behind The Music (I loved that show! At least, when it was good. Not when they started doing BTMs on people like Celine Dion.) and ask him to give an interview...on a band way cooler than his, decides to tell Dan the truth. He lets Cabbage Patch know that he's been leading him astray for all these years when he's told him to be himself. Rufus is all, "Dan, look. I've been watching The Hills lately and, frankly son, you're a sucky person. If you want Serena back, try to be someone else...someone cooler." Dan leaves to ask Vanessa for tips on how to stalk someone ineffectively and in the creepiest way possible. Meanwhile, Rufus goes off to his room to write that hit song, "Alone In My Awesomeness." (Major points if you get the reference.) I imagine the lyrics go something like this:

My daughter is a klepto
My son is a...jerk-o
The love of my life is really hot
And she's marrying someone who's really not
I hate my life
I hate my ex-wife
These kids aren't miiiiiine
That bitch was lyin'

Elsewhere in Brooklyn, Nate and Vanessa are still...wait, what are they exactly? Acquaintances that make out? I love that Nate gets to be smiley these days because Chace Crawford has a gorgeous smile and I know that N/V float many a boat, but they just don't work for me. Especially when Vanessa does stuff like put the proverbial gun to his head to make him ask her out on a date. I know he's hot, V, but DAMN, how about playing a little hard to get? Granted, it's probably hard when she's already played Naughty Greek Pastry Chef with a guy that she's known for two hours (but oh, it feels like she's known him for at least four because she read his 500 word essay on What It Means To Be A Crackhead and discovered that he loves Tegan and Sara as much as she does). So Nate decides that their first date can be a non-date since, presumably, she'll be working the whole night as a roadie. How's not playing coy working out for you, V?

Dan shows up at the VDB penthouse. Bart, amusingly enough, calls him Daniel. I guess the VDB parental units have a thing for calling people by their proper names. It's cute. Dan wants Chuck to mentor him on the ways of awesome, but Chuck's not willing to have his stock plummet like that. Besides, why would he talk to Humpty Dumpty when he could bring up those times when Blair drunk dialed him and made him listen to her list all the wine spritzers that she'd just finished putting down.

View Poll: Blair Waldorf's drunk dialing habits.

(Poll closed because it was flooding my inbox. Much like the question of how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop, the world may never know what kind of drunk dialer Blair Waldorf is. Personally, I'm more inclined to believe that she's a bitchy drunk.)

The Y chromosome divisions of the Fab Four meet in the Elevator of Extreme Hotness and have eye!sex. Sad and angry woobie faces are simultaneously thrown around. They really want to kiss and make up because every now and then each boy gets a little bit lonely with the other never coming 'round (what is with me and the 80s music today?).

Nate, acting like he hasn't been dating Blair Waldorf from the womb, is shocked that Blair isn't at the penthouse already! If anyone is a fan of the dramatic entrance, it's Blair Waldorf so I don't know why Nate thinks that something more nefarious is going on. Dorota(!) gives the most awesome shrug and "Whatever, bitches. You know the deal" look after telling them that Blair told them to wait. Chuck couldn't care less about any of this because he's only got the threesome on his mind. As it should be.

Georgina leaves Serena her fifty-fourth message of the day. Georgie, crazed and angry at being ignored, looks really cute BTW. She talks about how she's bringing Serena coffee just the way she likes it -- dark but sweet -- which is surprising to me since I figured it would be more like dark, with a touch of vodka (because it's five o'clock somewhere!), and laced with roofies. Dan proves that he's an idiot. Lather, rinse, repeat. I can't be bothered with that when there's OT4 goodness to be had.

And OT4 goodness there is. Blair shows up with Boozy McShinyHair in the Elevator of Extreme Hotness and orders the boys to take her upstairs. In an awesome display of sibling love, a concerned Chuck asks Serena if she's okay while Nate stands around and looks devastatingly pretty and confused. Blair, in full queen mode, asks Dorota to put Operation Clean Up After Bad!Serena into effect. Dorota cannot believe this shit. She was going to do a full scrub down of the kitchen today and now she's probably going to have to spend the rest of her day cleaning up after Serena's puke. Serena better get Dorota a Wii after all this is over.

While Dorota's getting the fresh clothes ready, Nate and Blair try to get Serena in the bathtub because Blair knows that you can die from alcohol poisoning (perhaps a factoid she picked up from an AC/DC rockumentary?). I didn't realize until now that this scene is an AWESOME callback to the happier, though still drunken, times from the flashbacks in "Blair Waldorf Must Pie" when Blair asks Nate to go put Serena in a bath! Well played, Schwartz! Sadly, there's no water fight this time because we're dealing with SERIOUS BUSINESS. How do we know this? Well, it has to be SERIOUS BUSINESS for Chuck Bass to go grocery shopping! He bought bagels! And hopefully cream cheese because, eew, say no to bagels without cream cheese!

Even during life and death situations, Chuck Bass can take a moment or two to be lecherous towards his stepsister. Fabulous! Since Blair is the ruler of the universe, she doesn't even give a second thought to volunteering Chuck and Nate to unknowingly become accessories to crime. Even if she told them about how Serena "murdered" someone, I'm sure they'd be all for it because they all love attention, get bored very easily, and are in love with each other.

Which is why Blair, Chuck, and Nate create a wall of awesomeness when Dan shows up (unannounced of course) and tries to go upstairs to the see the Grand Poobah of Shiny Hair. He tries valiantly to get through, but there's an invisible barrier, much like a cool threshold, and he just doesn't measure up because he's wearing a shirt that makes him look like a farmer. This entire scene is awesome and not unlike that time on Saved By The Bell when Kelly was dating skeevy, too-old-for-her Jeff and the gang saw him at some over 21 nightclub that they snuck into and then tried to form a circle so that she wouldn't be able to see that he was dancing with some chick who looked even younger than Kelly and way more vapid. And then Kelly was like, "Oh Zack, I never should've dumped you!" which the whole world knew and was telling her anyway! Hey, Jeff was such a sleaze that maybe they should've cast Patrick Muldoon to play that Pete guy in this episode. I'd have an easier time believing that he started his coke habit ten years ago than a guy who looked the same age as Serena.

Serena, magically sober, tells Dan that she went on a slut spiral last night. They both cry about it. I mostly laugh and pray that Dorota will call Cece and tell her what's the what so she can call Carter and arrange another playdate between him and Serena. It was so obvious that she was lying to Dan, but I'm sad that we never find out what happened with the four guys that she left the bar with when she was wasted. Am I supposed to believe that they played a scintillating game of Parcheesy?

They should play that at the next VDB family game night. Which looks like it will be happening soon as Lily matter-of-factly tells Bart that she's had three perfect weddings and wants this to be the most perfect of them all. Bart, hilariously, doesn't get offended and is totally fine with this. I'm sure his wedding to Chuck's mother, Melinda Clarke, was perfect too. Before he can share the details, Dorota calls Lily and tells her about bad!Serena's return. I can't be angry at Dorota for narcing because she's Dorota and naturally awesome and because she's just sharing concern, one mama bear to another. I also love that Dorota knows about the VDB wedding! I really hope she's invited! It would make the finale if we saw Dorota as one of the guests! It'll be as awesome as Lucy, the maid, being in the group of people fighting for the wedding bouquet at the end of Clueless!

The non-judging Breakfast Club assembles to figure out what Serena's deal is. I kind of love how they all assume that her big bad thing is about sex and decide to remind her of their dirty sexy wrong laundry. Blair's "bitch, spill!" face to Chuck is classic! But Chuck only does dirty, wrong things so he can't really pinpoint a single moment.

Flashback drug use and sluttiness ensues. Lily sits in Serena's room and weeps, second-guessing her decision to let her kids keep watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. (BTW, even though I've only seen a few episodes, that show is hilarious! Bruce Jenner going through menopause! Kim's mother whoring her out all the damn time! Khloe being awesome!) Since Chuck is a doer, he's all about finding Georgina and settling this, but Serena doesn't want the world to see her snuff film. Blake Lively shows us that she totally ships Blair and Chuck by taking both their hands. Chace Crawford continues to look confused and pretty.

At the rehearsal dinner, there's a whole lot of pretty. I'm glad that unleashing her secrets doesn't make Serena any less flossy flossy. But not even pretty can placate Lily. She's pissed that her daughter is a big whore and tells her that she's going to send her to reformatory school where she can be Kaitlin Cooper's roommate and learn how to clean floors with her toothbrush while grooving to the Spice Girls. Personally, I think they should just go on Maury instead.

Have no fear though! Blair reminds Lily that she comes from the school of awesome parenting. Essentially, Blair tells Lily that she only hears what she wants to and that her daughter misses her.

She's obviously inspired by Lisa Loeb! Seeing as how I love Lisa Loeb, this stupid concert with Rufus' one line song is worth it just to hear the five seconds of Stay that she ends up singing. It should be noted that Michelle Trachtenberg seems to be extra-smiley in the scene where Sarah is introduced to Lisa Loeb, leading me to believe that much like the rest of the world in the 90s, she was also a fan of Stay.

Nate is probably not a fan since he picks this day, of all days, to start riding the subway to Queens. I'm sure this was a shout-out to Chace Crawford getting lost on the 7.

Good thing Blair recognizes a disaster in the making. It's great that she doesn't seem to be hung up on N/V. I guess you don't really have time to worry about that when you're trying to figure out how to get your BFF out of a murder rap. Chuck's doing his part for the Serena cause by supplying Lily with some intel. Maybe he does work for the CIA and Lily's the only one he knows! How else would he be able to find out where Pete's family lived so quickly? Either that or he knows every shifty drug dealer in the UES. He loves his new mommy so much that he also goes to retrieve her coat so she can ditch her own rehearsal dinner. Bart has no idea what the hell is going on and probably bails on the rehearsal dinner too to go watch Avenue Q with Eric.

Blair and Chuck have the most outrageously hot display of eye!sex ever seen on this show as Blair schools us all on how revenge is a dish best served hot and smokin' with a side order of eye!sex. If they weren't talking about social destruction, I'm sure that I would not have been paying attention to what they were saying at all. I love that Blair can turn on her devilishly flirty side on a dime when she needs something. There must've been limo!sex on the way to meet Nate.

Cutting from hot to not, Vanessa confronts Georgina about her lies. She's all, "Is there something you want to tell me?" Sadly, Georgina does not reply, "Those plastic earrings look like split pea soup, your outfit is hurting my eyes, and it smells like baby beluga backstage." Instead, she runs off to quickly dice some onions so she can whip up a steady supply of tears for when she retcons her backstory for Dan.

The UESers show up and Vanessa, never at a loss for the rudest things to say, tells Nate that she's thrilled that he brought his hated friends along with him on their date (and also, WTF is that, Nate?). Nate shoots pointed looks while Blair and Chuck shoot looks of "I couldn't give a shit about your relationship with Vanessa, Natey."

There's a mildly awkward moment when B and C are left alone, but it's dissipated when Serena shows up and Blair tells her that she loves "Leaky Hawk." BWAH! Blair Waldorf, please do not EVER change!

Before Blair and Serena can talk about that hit cassingle that Blair undoubtedly does not own, Georgina calls to tell Serena that it's GAME ON. Serena tries to convince herself that Dan is a good puppy who only responds to his master, but Georgie's like, "How do you know I don't watch The Dog Whisperer? Cesar Millan's got nothing on me. Hope Brooklyn is good in bed! Ciao!"

As always, please don't steal the screencaps! It took me forever to cap, clean, and color them. You wouldn't want Lily to send you to reformatory school, would you?

I was rounding up from 50%.

Tue, 13 May 2008 02:00:12 GMT

I might've accidentally spoiled myself earlier this week by accidentally looking at a spoiler pic. Dammit! I spend the rest of tonight's House, "House's Head," waiting for the other shoe to drop and being sad that Evil Nurse Brenda was not the one Cuddy assigned to make sure House stayed home! ENB, WHERE ARE YOU? There's no way he would've gotten a hold of her cell without losing some limbs! If I didn't see that stupid picture, I wouldn't have known already that CTB was the mystery patient! IF YOU WHORES KILL AMBER, I AM GOING TO BE SO UPSET. She is singlehandedly the best new character they've introduced this season. I WANT HER AND HOUSE TO BE LIMPING TWINS TOGETHER, SHORE!

I could see how this was intended to be the post-Super Bowl episode because that fantasy scene was very "all post-SB episodes of shows must have naked scenes!" It must've been AWKWARD for Lisa Edelstein to film. (At one point, I went, "Her underwear is glowing in the dark. IS THAT A CLUE?") I was more psyched about Cuddy babysitting House and giving him mouth to mouth than I was about the fantasy sequence. I like my OTP interaction to be more subtle.

Now we know 13's name. Ask me if I care.

Maybe this is Blair's idea of a perverse double date.

Tue, 13 May 2008 01:00:03 GMT

Tonight's Gossip Girl, "Woman On The Verge," was WIN TOPPED WITH WIN WITH A SIDE ORDER OF WIN!

First things first, Stay is one of my FAVORITE SONGS EVER. So WELL FUCKING PLAYED, show! I'm kind of sad that I had to listen to the blatantly fictional Law & Order witness protection plan story Georgina cooked up instead of the song. (Also, Dan? WORST SON EVER. I hope Rufus ships your ass to Hudson the way he did Jenny's.) Next season, let's get Oasis to play Wonderwall on the show! Please?

I love how the boys didn't hesitate about going over to Blair's when she said that she needed their help. The last time two hot boys had an extremely uncomfortable moment in an elevator was Will and Vaughn in S2 of Alias! Oh UESers, you're my favorite OT4 ever! Chuck managed to be lecherous and sibcesty even in the face of alcohol poisoning! I love it! He's never gonna let that ship die, which I greatly appreciate! And then there was HAND HOLDING during the UES confessional scene. It's awesome that both Blair and Chuck think that the only way to get a Dan to bounce is by telling him that his girlfriend hates him. And way to assume, Dan! For all he knows, Serena was having a study session for the SATs with those four guys! I'm sure they were just TUTORS! (I totally called the lying thing so I wasn't shocked that she lied.) It's a good thing that Dorota was busy with the towels or else she would've thrown Dan's ass out of a window the moment he came to the penthouse uninvited. And I know I should be all ZOMG, DOROTA, WHY ARE YOU NARCING, BB? but Dorota is awesome and motherly and is just worried about her girls so I can't hate on that. Besides, if Serena had just been smart, Lils wouldn't have found anything. I can't believe Lily didn't realize that the tape was from the past. Pay attention, Lils! Flashback!Serena's hair is WAY LESS AWESOME than Present!Serena's hair. For reals. Of course, Blair would be the one to school her.

Because the UESers are so AWESOME. AWESOME. AWESOME. I think they need those Captain Planet rings so that when they join forces, EXTREME AWESOMENESS ENSUES. It was playing telephone with extremely attractive people who were ready to choke a bitch! Nate calls Blair, who looks gorgeously evil when she's got revenge on her mind. Blair eye!sexes Chuck. They pick up Nate, saving him the trouble of getting lost on the subway. AWESOMENESS! More awesomeness would've occurred if the UESers actually met up with Georgina, but I guess they're saving that for the finale. But I find it hard to believe that Blair saved Dan's number on his phone as anything but Cabbage Patch.

But Serena, IT'S NOT KILLING SOMEONE IF YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY KILL THE DUDE! He snorted bad coke! (And he looked 20 so he must've started at 10? WHAT? Should've casted an older, more lecherous looking guy.) And I know Georgina and her evil eyeliner are bad news, but I loved that throwaway, "Get everything that has you on it!" line to Flashback!Serena before they left Pete to die. Look, I love that bitch, all right? Even more because G popping C's cherry is now canon! Which means that I'm not totally insane! (However, I can love G and want the UESers to go cage fighter on her. I'm that cool.) Too bad she has Dan's ass lo-jacked. Talk about supremely good timing! I love how Georgina was panicked for a good minute when she saw Dan in front of the Palace. I bet she was thinking, "OH SHIT, I'VE STILL GOT MY EVIL EYELINER ON! My Puritan cover will be ruined! But wait, Dan's so self-absorbed that he probably won't even notice that I'm only pretending to love kittens and old people." I really hope she didn't tap that Humphrey ass.

But I wept a little on the inside that Serena's whole "help me find my dumb boyfriend, Mommy!" request meant that Lily was going to be center stage at the Lincoln Hawk concert. (By the way, that song had like one line.) I love Bart! He doesn't have flowers on his shirt! But I must say that I loved Rufus a little tonight. Why, you ask, when my VDB dreams are going up in flames? Because of this: "I don't know if you know this, but you could be a pretty judgemental guy." OMG, RUFUS? I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I've been saying that since the pilot. I still want you the hell away from the VDB wedding and wish you had enlisted the help of someone who didn't make it a habit of breaking into your loft and sniffing your son's underwear, but you're still awesome sauce! Rufus was clearly thinking, "Oh GOD, STFU Dan! I get it. You hate THINGS. Stop killing my buzz!" I don't know if that was the best meta statement of the night or if it was Vanessa telling Nate that she doesn't mind the stalking.

Josh Schwartz, you did not disappoint.

Gossip Girl fic: The Act Becomes The Art of Growing Up (Georgina, Carter, Serena, Blair, Chuck)

Mon, 12 May 2008 05:37:55 GMT

The Act Becomes The Art of Growing Up
Disclaimer: 'Gossip Girl' belongs to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz, and the CW. No infringement intended.
Summary: She used to have thicker skin than this, right? Maybe she didn't. Maybe she didn't need to. (Georgina, Carter, Serena, Blair, Chuck)
Spoilers: 1x16 'All About My Brother'.
Note: Six connected drabbles, 100 words each. Title from Brand New's "Sic Transit Gloria…Glory Fades."

She tries to change once. Too many parties, too few memories, and maybe she's just more than a little tired of waking up with fingers crossed that she's in her own bed for a change. So she vows – secretly, of course, because she's not all too sure that she won't fail – that this will be the last time. But one more party turns into perhaps another and then next month is a good time for a new leaf bleeds into this kind of change has to be gradual.

Leopards. Spots. She knows the drill. (She's too young to retire anyway.)

*

In Paris, she tells Carter Baizen that Mother Teresa wouldn't approve; last she checked, drinking whiskey sours and snorting coke isn't the same as saving Guatemalan puppies from famine.

"I'm allergic to dogs," he shrugs and pulls her towards him.

In Buenos Aires, she tasted coffee and cherries, tangy debauchery replaced with cotton candy kindness and she hated it. Charity sanded from his bones, he tastes like rum and olives now and the world makes sense again.

"Good thing Gucci doesn't make habits," she grins against his mouth.
"Serena know that?" Off her silence, he continues, "Your protégé's reformed now."

*

She'll never admit that her feelings are hurt. (She used to have thicker skin than this, right? Maybe she didn't. Maybe she didn't need to.)

Redemption is slumming it in a loft in the wrong zip code, perfect teeth flashing against a perfect smile perpetuating a perfect lie. Good girls choose textbooks over tequila, plans with a boy oblivious to the vodka that runs through her veins over the best friend who acted as her exit strategy for years. A good friend would be happy for Serena. (But this Serena's not a good friend either so there.)

Svetlana misses Savannah.

*

The cavalry arrives at dawn wearing kitten heels and a headband even though it's way too early (late) to fight for Serena's soul. She orders blueberry pancakes from room service—

"This isn't a social visit."
"You're going to throw it up anyway, Princess."
"I don't do that anymore."

And maybe she's not cruel enough to make a fat joke.

—while Blair says that she shouldn't have come back.

"Miss me that much?"
"Well, that eyeliner makes you look like a hooker."
"Says the girl playing musical chairs in Chuck Bass' pants."

A shared smile (oh, well played!) for their ex-friendship.

*

Drinks at the Palace is an open invitation to getting stalked and, sure enough, he's never one to disappoint (well, there was that one time, but they don't talk about that). The scotch is pushed onto the counter before he even sits down. One glance at the ever-present scarf around his neck and she's laughing, martini glass threatening to tumble out of her shaking hands.

"It's like eighty degrees outside."
"Trademark, Georgie," he says, "just like your trademark is being—"
"Glass houses, Bass," she tsks. "Play nice."
"Not really your style."
"World's changing. I'm just trying to keep up."

*

Sarah doesn't party. She doesn't drink. She has never touched a cigarette in her life and her parents send care-packages from Portland full of freshly baked cookies and red jelly beans every two weeks. The world exists in camera frames and black and white monologues, time lapse photography and classical music scores. She has an unwavering belief that love has the power to make the world beautiful and can't imagine a world in which friendship can be bartered like cheap currency to dull her loneliness. (Sarah's drug of choice? Happiness.)

Sarah doesn't need redemption and Georgina hates her for it.

More like a non-ja. It's laughable for what passes as ninja these days.

Sun, 11 May 2008 02:16:08 GMT

Wow, two movies posts in one day when I rarely post about movies!

Even though it got horrible reviews, I watched Speed Racer and didn't, uh, hate it? The colors were really bright and everything looked overly CGI, but I'm thinking that it was probably intentional. I mean, there's no way that when they were doing that CGI, the effects guys thought, "Dude, this looks so realistic!" I thought it was a really fun movie that didn't take itself seriously, which made it entertaining to watch. It was downright cartoonish!

And Scott Porter played Speed's brother! (Dude, who knew that Jason Street looked so hot in a wife beater?) And Spritle and Chimp Chimp were endlessly entertaining! And Trixie and Speed were ADORABLE! With the flirting! And her punching some girl when they were kids because she called Speed stupid! And kissing under the flashbulbs! TOO. CUTE. FOR. WORDS. So screw the reviews; if you're not looking for something too deep and just want to have a cheesy good time, go watch Speed Racer (unless you haven't watched Iron Man because you hate awesomeness, in which case you should get over the insanity and watch that first).

Is that...a flying dog?

Sat, 10 May 2008 21:34:00 GMT

I watched Son of Rambow today and it was surprisingly really good! Ed Westwick was rocking the cardigans in a very Chuck Bassian manner in this movie too! Granted they were normal cardigans that didn't look like fish, but it still made me laugh. There is even one point when he picks up his brother Carter after he's gotten expelled where not only is he rocking the sweater, but he's also talking on Zack Morris' cell phone while Gary Numan's "Cars" is blasting from his car radio! SO. MUCH. GOODNESS. He wasn't in the movie for a whole hell of lot, but it was fine because the movie was really fabulous anyway!

The kids were really endearing and the overall plot of the movie was quirky, hilarious, and heartwarming. That cool French kid reminded me of Billy Zero in The Tracey Fragments (the split screens in that movie drove me insane!). It was also pretty unexpected to find out that, among all the Frenchies, he was a loser.

I love the friendship that developed between Carter and Will and the blood brothers thing. I also loved that Carter held an undetering belief that Lawrence (Westwick) would be there for him no matter what, especially since it turned out to be true at the end. The end with their movie being shown at the theatre was so happy-making!

I used to think it was such a pipe dream.

Sat, 10 May 2008 03:00:41 GMT

Tonight's BSG, "Faith," just confirmed that if Natalie is in the episode, it is guaranteed to be WIN. Between Athena telling the 8s that you pick a side and stick to it (are we sure Lee isn't a cylon?) and that insanely kickass scene between PTSD!Six and Natalie that showed us just how human the cylons are becoming (Tricia Helfer just keeps getting better and better!), I have no idea why Natalie and Athena aren't BFF.

I also kind loved Athena asking Kara if she was just going to let it slip that one of their own had just been killed because Galactica is her home and Athena is who she chooses to be and she never strays from that (Helo/Athena OTP!). Except then I kind of fell a little in love with dying!8 too. AND ANDERS! OH ANDERS, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! But Natalie and Athena should still be best friends. Once they become friends, I'm sure Athena will be more than cool with letting Natalie babysit Hera (who they've aged quite a bit in the previews).

Anyone else surprised that Athena didn't do a double take at the Centurions being completely autonomous now? I'd be a little freaked out if my normally docile tin pet killed my clone like that. I love that the cylons and Starbuck are working together like the Scooby gang now -- that is how you make this quest to find Earth interesting! And we keep getting closer to 3's unboxing! I love this show!

Have I mentioned that I hate Seelix? Because I do. I have ever since that they formed their own Justice League on the Galactica post-New Caprica and she was the most airlock-happy out of all of them. Everyone else is past this "Athena is a cylon" thing so STFU Seelix. I'm sure Tory would be more than happy to airlock you. Athena is more human than the rest of you bitches anyway.

OMG WHAT WITH THE WHAT NOW RE: ROSLIN'S BALD HEAD. They didn't need to get that real! Shiny red hair, COME BACK TO US! Baltar's disembodied voice droning on and on in the background of the hospital ward scenes added a really creepy vibe to them. Did we know before that Mama Roslin was...exactly who Roslin used to be before the world blew up? And OMG, ADAMA/ROSLIN COULD NOT BE CUTER IF THEY TRIED. He made her believe! It's like The X-Files but with old people! (Speaking of, Roslin's Cancer Friend looked eerily like Cassandra Spender.)

I was laughing so hard at Gaeta's reaction of PAIIIIIINNNN after getting shot. SO much camp! Alessandro Juliani was hamming it up REALLY BADLY. I was like, "Wait, is Sci-Fi showing bloopers now during the episode?" The part where he wanted Helo to promise him that Cottle wouldn't take his leg reminded me a lot of House and how they wrote "don't take this leg...or this one" during "Three Stories."

Your eyes are red. A few tears for your long lost boss?

Sat, 10 May 2008 00:57:25 GMT

Remember after watching Iron Man, I was all FIC FIC FIC WHERE'S THE FIC? Well, gabby_silang wrote insanely adorable Tony/Pepper Iron Man fic that you should all totally go read right now. AWESOME.

This is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

Wed, 07 May 2008 23:20:26 GMT

I try not to watch sneak peeks for Gossip Girl because I like to remain surprised, but I just could not resist this time. Oh UESers, this is the friendship that I want to see! I love those kids so much! Chuck's tie is matching his Mr. Rogers cardigan! Grandpa, you look good! There's a Breakfast Club mention! (Not the 80s theme party I had in mind, but you're getting there Schwartz.) Clearly, Nate is the athlete and Chuck is the criminal, but who is the princess? The obvious choice here is Blair, but Serena is definitely not the basketcase or the brain. Is it bad that I want Georgina to join the gang so she can be the basketcase? (Come on! Can't you just see her lying about how she nailed her shrink?)

Not based on spoilers, this is exactly why the UES dynamic works and why Dan doesn't fit into their world. (I think Chuck should tell him to pursue a career in the custodial arts next season.) I'm not just talking about the rich/poor thing. It's about not getting it. Because of their wealth and status, Chuck, Nate, Serena, and Blair have the luxury to do whatever the hell they want because they know that, chances are, there will be no repercussions to their actions. Couple this potential for reckless behavior with the fact that (all VDB love aside) unlike the Humphreys who have each other, the UESers don't really have that family dynamic to fall back on, the fab four really have only ever had each other. So in that manner, I don't blame Dan entirely for not understanding bad!Serena. I'm sure it's completely offensive to him that someone could be a drunken, slutty idiot who likes THINGS, but in the UES, that's normal.

I'm not saying that the fab four should be elitist and buy Members Only jackets and not let any non-UESers into their club house. I'm just saying that Dan does not have to be a judgemental tool 95% of the time. You don't see Rufus freaking out over Lily being flossy flossy when they hang out. If Dan was more like Rufus, I wouldn't mind him. Even though Dan may not completely get that Serena was not the saint that she is now because he has such a whitewashed idealized view of her, it's completely irrational for him to always play the disappointment card when she can't live up to that hype. She didn't sign up to be worshipped and if he can't deal with her being human, then she'd be better off without him. She'd be better off without him anyway because Serena/Carter is a lot more interesting.

Please don't turn down my music.

Wed, 07 May 2008 04:23:32 GMT

I mentioned to ever_obsessed that I had the Iron Man score and she was like, "ZOMG?!?!" Naturally, this prompted me to enable (which I'm sure ever_obsessed knew would happen anyway). It's like Ramin Djawadi is issuing Bear McCreary of BSG soundtrack love a challenge to see who gets to call himself my music!score!composer!BFF! They should have a showdown. Mark Snow and his The Truth Is STILL Out There, Bitches, And It's Coming To You On July 25th synthesizer can referee!

Gossip Girl fanmix: Demolition Woman, Can I Be Your Man? EP (Chuck/Georgina)

Tue, 06 May 2008 03:35:03 GMT

So despite having a ton of things that I need to get done tonight, I'm posting a mix instead. Despite the fact that Chuck and Georgina haven't even had a single scene together on Gossip Girl, I might be the only person in the world shipping them based on the havoc that they could potentially bring to the show should they ever join forces. And DUDE, Georgina is like Chuck with smaller nostrils!

Chuck and Georgina wouldn't be nice or sweet to each other. Hell, they'd probably fling insults back and forth at each other like they were at Wimbledon. They certainly wouldn't sit around in bed doing the New York Times crossword together during the weekends and watching cheesy romantic comedies. Chuck/Georgina would be all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. And that's okay. Maybe everything doesn't have to be love and picket fences all the time. Sometimes UESers just need to let their inner bitches out to play.

a Chuck Bass/Georgina Sparks EP: Demolition Woman, Can I Be Your Man?

spoilers: 1x15 'Desperately Seeking Serena'

01. AC/DC - Givin' The Dog A Bone
she's no Mona Lisa
no, she's no Playboy star
but she'll send you to heaven
then explode you to Mars

02. Aerosmith - Falling In Love (Is Hard On The Knees)
we was making love when you told me that you loved me
I thought ol' cupid, he was taking aim
I was believer when you told me that you loved me
and then you called me someone else's name

03. Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me
you gotta please a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more
easy operator come-a knockin' on my door
sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
little miss innocent sugar me, yeah, yeah

04. The Rolling Stones - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no satisfaction
'cause I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

05. Guns N' Roses - Welcome To The Jungle
and if you got a hunger for what you see
you'll take it eventually
you can have anything you want
but you better not take it from me

zip file with mp3s and cover art (22.31mb): here (mf) or here (ss)

Please comment if snagging :).

I want a water bed.

Tue, 06 May 2008 02:00:35 GMT

Tonight's episode of House, "Living The Dream," reminded me of the good ol' Vogler days! Cuddy's job in jeopardy yet again! But she refused to sell him out! Just like last time. Oh, SWEET SAUCE! Also, I can't remember the last time House called Cuddy Cuddy. You two crazy kids. You're so pretty!

Also, CTB continues to be AWESOME! "Do what makes you happy." Oh CTB, I LOVE YOU!

But where was Marco, the ever-suffering pharmacist? That wasn't Marco!

You should have thought of that before you told all of Manhattan that Jenny's a glorified hag.

Tue, 06 May 2008 01:02:52 GMT

Tonight's Gossip Girl, "All About My Brother," was SO AWESOME! It did my Jenny-hating and van der Bass-loving heart some good! Sibcest is intact even when Chuck's not in the episode! ENTIRELY MADE OF WIN. ERIC CALLED CHUCK! AND BEFORE THAT CHUCK CALLED SERENA TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. VDBs FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIN! Oh Lils, way to make Eric want to kill himself even more! I kind of expected Lils to be all, "Eh, Eric's gay. Someone pass the mashed?" I'm sure Chuck would've talked her into being cool with this if Lily's natural awesomeness didn't beat him to the punch. Man, the VDBs are a lesson in how you do a rootable family dynamic, Humpsibs.

Though I must admit that I shouted, "Humpcest!" when Jenny accused Dan of being jealous about Asher when he tried to tell her that Asher was shady as hell. Sure, she followed it up with all that stuff about Dan's pants (okay, that was pretty awesome), but that was a futile attempt to cover up Humpcest. I'm on to you, Humps. You can't fool me. Even when Jenny's being a faux!whore. At least Blair never had to sell her reputation to get her hands on the crown. Speaking of whom, Blair has her minoriteens back! Because, OMG, Nelly Yuki's joined the posse! HOLLA! Nelly Yuki is totally replacement!Kati, but like smarter. The minoriteens are back to worshipping Blair and I, for one, LOVE IT! I love how Nelly Yuki and Is hung back while the brainwashable bitches ran over to kiss Asher's ass. That's totally the best subset of the yogurt gang. They realize that it's not good for their IQs to hang out with Jenny's part of the crew for extended amounts of time. Brain cells die (Is really can't afford it) and you start to become a DUMB WHORE who says shit like, "Oh, you have a crush on me! It's cute and not so unexpected, actually."

Dear Jenny,
YOU'RE A STUPID BITCH. PLEASE MOVE TO HUDSON. SAIL THERE ON A SINKING BARGE.
XOXO,
The World

Was I supposed to feel bad that Asher used Jenny as his beard and then was mean about it? Because my response was...cackling. Loudly. For a pretty long time. There may have been pointing involved. Asher was wearing the fugliest ensemble to the party. That tie does not go with that shirt, Asher. I love that Blair wasn't willing to hurt Eric just to get back at Jenny. THIS IS WHY BLAIR >>>>>>>>> JENNY. Also, FUCK YOU, JENNY. The scene where she waved the white flag was bullshit. Because B may be a bitch, but she's not unequivocally a selfish bitch like Jenny. She's not willing to sell out the people that she really cares about to climb the social ladder so STFU Jenny and don't try to pretend that who you were becoming is who Blair is. BITE ME, JENNY. I WOULD NOT PLAY SCRABBLE WITH YOU. But can I just say that Leighton Meester was awesome in that white flag scene? There was this unmistakable sadness and you wanted to get a scene of her talking to Dorota about all the things that she had to sacrifice to be the queen.

Also, Serena's big sex tape secret and murder? That's so lame. Serena is the love child of Paris Hilton and Charlie Manson? Oh show, you could've done so much better. However, "It's Serena. She'll go down for anything!" was HILARIOUS! I wish Serena had watched a soap opera...or really, any form of television before. It's beyond idiotic TO NOT DESTROY THE TAPE AUTOMATICALLY. Pull out the tape, stomp on it, whatever. Don't stick it in your jeans drawer where someone can accidentally mistaken it for a dedication video and air it during the VDB wedding or whatever. Oh Serena, why must you fail at this being-smart thing? But I LOVED LOVED LOVED that last scene with Blair and Serena! "You're my sister! You're my family! What's you is me." OMG, I LOVE THOSE TWO SO MUCH. And next week it looks like everyone's going to join together to save Serena! Which means UES interaction. HELL YES!

I guess I see where Schwartz is going with this. It's not so much what Serena's big secret is, but the ramifications of it in terms of character interaction. She could be doing blow and kidnapping puppies on that tape and it wouldn't matter. What matters is how everyone's going to band together to show us just why they were the Fab 4 before the non-UESers got involved. I'm fairly sure I'm going to love it.

(Random: I love that Georgina is also a stalker like Chuck. And that's not because I was totally making a Chuck/Georgina mix before the show started.)

Happy birthday, ever_obsessed!

Sun, 04 May 2008 04:07:58 GMT

Happy birthday, ever_obsessed!

Just call us S.H.I.E.L.D.

Sun, 04 May 2008 01:39:28 GMT

So...Iron Man? ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. LOVED. IT.

Robert Downey Jr? AWESOME.

Surprisingly, Gwyneth Paltrow? ALSO. AWESOME. Pepper Potts pretty much won at life.

Gossip Girl fanmix: I'm So Full Of Love (It Deeply Sickens Me) (The Chuck Bass Is A Stalker Mix)

Sat, 03 May 2008 04:27:37 GMT

So the poll results were even between making a mix and doing a picspam, but since I kind of have nothing to picspam about currently, the mix won out.

It's sad how difficult it wasn't to find caps of Chuck stalking. And yes, that is a manipulation of the picture of Blair and Serena that's on Blair's dresser in the pilot. Chuck Bass is totally the type of stalker who would badly photoshop his head onto Serena's body in pictures like that.

The Chuck Bass Is A Stalker Mix: I'm So Full Of Love (It Deeply Sickens Me)

spoilers: 1x13 'A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate'

01. Motion City Soundtrack - When You're Around
the least you could do is take it back
all the vicious remarks and verbal attacks
'cause I can't fucking stand it
when you're around

02. Stabbing Westward - What Do I Have To Do
what do I have to do to make you happy?
what do I have to do to make you understand?
what do I have to do to make you want me?
but if I can't make you want me
what do I have to do?

03. Sarah McLachlan - Possession
oh, you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive

04. Brand New - Degausser
take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in

05. The Academy Is... - Everything We Had
it was the only place I'd ever known
turned off the light on my way out the door
I will be watching wherever you go
through the eyes of a fly on the wall
you have been followed back to the same place I sat with you drink for drink
take the pain out of love and then love won't exist

06. Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
there are days when, outside your window, I see my reflection as I slowly pass
and I long for this mirrored perspective when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
you gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
and I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

07. Jack's Mannequin - Lonely For Her
open my window oh oh oh
I'm ready to live with this
then you walk by my window oh oh oh
you give me something to miss
right next to the touch
where you hurt me so much

08. Sheryl Crow - What I Can Do For You
do you mind if I just
rub my hand up thus
come on just my hand
come on just my hand
you gotta understand
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
you're gonna need me

09. The Postal Service - Nothing Better
I can't accept that it's over
and I will block the door
like a goalie tending the net
in the third quarter
of a tied game rivalry

10. Tegan and Sara - Soil, Soil
all you need to save me
all you need to save me
is call (call)
and I'll be curled on the floor hiding out from it all (all)
and I won't take any other call

You don't know how tempted I was to throw in The Human League's Don't You Want Me, but the "working as a waitress in a cocktail bar" bit was just too Vanessa Abrams for me. I almost tossed in Whoa's Rub One Out too for kicks, but I stopped myself.

zip file with mp3s and cover art (51.93mb): here (mf) or here (ss)

Please comment if snagging :).

noirrobin is awesome!

Fri, 02 May 2008 23:05:51 GMT

OMG, noirrobin is the awesomest awesome to ever awesome! I now have a paid account! Thank you so much, dude! You're entirely wintastic!

View Poll: #1181618

picspam: Remember The Daze

Thu, 01 May 2008 05:57:09 GMT

I just watched Remember The Daze. Yay Leighton Meester! Boo for doing a movie that was not very good (still better than all the other crappy movies she's done so I guess that's good?). The plot basically consisted of following around a bunch of kids on the last day of school. Essentially, it's Dazed and Confused only D&C was way better and had the added benefit of watching Ben Affleck get humiliated by a bunch of freshmen. WIN! Besides, Jason London was downright adorable as Pink Floyd! This movie does the same thing where people keep car-hopping and talking about doing drugs without really doing them. D&C was a fun movie that didn't try to be overly deep whereas, if the tinkly background music of contemplation in this movie is any indication, Remember The Daze is trying to be the voice of a generation. Or something. Nevertheless, I felt that a picspam was in order since the cast of Remember The Daze wasn't half-bad. Hello Joan of Arcadia reunion! However, I don't remember half of the characters' names so I'm just going to have to make some up. I'd go in order of plot, but the movie seriously has no plot. In fact, it's kind of insanely random.

The movie starts off with a Dorky Asian Kid taking pictures of butterflies. Throughout the movie, he keeps taking pictures of random people at random times in the middle of their conversations and stuff too -- basically, he's like Vanessa from Gossip Girl without the aspirations to become a film maker. Oddly enough, no one threatens to shove the camera up his ass because I guess they went Bayside High where the cool kids like Zack and Slater were best friends with brillo-pad-headed geeks like Screech. (Oh E! True Hollywood Story, you ruined all my lovely Saved By The Bell memories by having Dustin Diamond bring up how completely implausible that was!)

There's also that chick from Never Back Down. Yes, I watched that movie. Shut up, there was promise of hot shirtless boys beating each other up! Anyway, NBD!chick's kind of the main character of this movie. Sort of. She was way less annoying in this than she was in NBD so thumbs up (or is it a thumbs down since I think this was shot before NBD?). Maybe after doing RTD, she realized that she wasn't cut out for deep movies and should just try to sell herself by being the "token hot chick" in a movie that was like Fight Club's retarded lovechild with Kickboxer? Aww, Hollywood is hard. Maybe she should try reality tv instead.

Since CLEARLY her character based her idiotic plan to free her friend from the shackles of an abusive relationship on what's she's seen on The Hills. See, one of NBD!chick's best friends is Perky!Cheerleader!Barbie, who I instantly remembered from the trainwreck that was SBTB: The New Class. She might've played someone's sister? I don't know. Perky!Cheerleader!Barbie had about two things to say throughout most of the movie: "Don't you dare miss my pep rally!" and then after the pep rally thing was over, it was "I just want to get really drunk." For a sec, I thought they were going to go all Empire Records and reveal that she was addicted to speed (since no! one! is that! perky!), but alas, no. Perky!Cheerleader!Barbie's fugly boyfriend, FugPac, lives in her parent's basement, uses her for sex, and then ignores her. He also looks like he's twelve.

NBD!chick and friends kept asking Perky!Cheerleader!Barbie why she wouldn't dump his useless ass and she told them that she would if he was cheating on her. So NBD!chick got the brilliant idea to sleep with him because it would convince Perky!Cheerleader!Barbie to leave him. Say WHAT? That does not make you a good friend, NBD!chick! Dude, that just MAKES YOU A WHORE! Especially when you have a boyfriend who is depressed because he failed too many classes to graduate. I didn't get what that kid's deal was or why NBD!chick refused to dump him when she clearly did not want to be with him. I mean, at the end, it seemed like she decided that she did want to be with him even though it's after she hooked up with FugPac in the woods. All this was after Perky!Cheerleader!Barbie dumped FugPac for CarrotTop so NBD!chick is totally a craptastic friend.

You know what? There are far too many people in this movie for me to do a complete picspam so let's just get to the oooh, it's that!guy and Leighton Meester moments, shall we?

Joan of Arcadia's brother was a crazy garage band punk rocker in this movie. He was insane, cursed a lot, wore a ton of eyeliner, and slammed into a car door when he was trying to be cool and jump in through the window. I laughed so hard when asked why the band members weren't going to college, one of them replied, "We're actually not going to college. We're punk rockers so we're just going to continue playing." Oh Luke Girardi, where did they steer you wrong?

Obviously, Luke walked over to the dark side around the same time as Adam, who was playing the Wooderson character in this movie. He kept hitting on Dylan from Desperate Housewives. I think I was supposed to find it skeevy, but Adam looks like he's thirteen years old so I can't really buy him as a lecherous 26 year old. Cuteness: his brother in the movie is his brother in real life. They look exactly the same, give or take some chub.

The coolest character, hands down, was NBD!chick's angry sister. She kept screaming at everyone, but she was also totally cool and could be all, "HATE YOU! Love ya!" in five seconds flat. She didn't go to school, yet still aced all her classes. Her friends were all, "How the hell are you going to see your friends if you don't show up at school?" and she replied with, "You bitches are always coming here anyway!" Her parents (Moira Kelly was the mom! TOE PICK! No, she was not awesome in this.) were totally ineffectual at dealing with her. SisOfNBD!chick was totally ace and sarcastic and AWESOME!

There were a bunch of other people I recognized but they weren't important and/or I don't care. Not when I could talk about Leighton Meester instead! I know Leighton is naturally a blonde, but man, she looks so much better as a brunette. (It's like Gillian Anderson syndrome.) I have no idea what her character's name was in the movie so I'm calling her Not!Blair. Not!Blair was kind of Blair-esque in that she was valedictorian and was headed for Brown. Her best friend had the same annoying baby voice as Anna Faris. I kept wishing that Not!Blair would hang out with someone else just so I wouldn't have to hear Not!Anna speak.

Before heading over to Not!B's babysitting gig, Not!B and Not!Anna scored some 'shrooms. Right here, Not!B's all, "Not!Anna, please try to act like a normal human being instead of the wackjob that you are."

Hilariously, the first thing Not!Anna asks once she sees the kids is, "Dude, how many of these things are there?" Heh. And then one of the kids spits in Not!Anna's face, prompting her to curse up a storm.

Not!B's covers their ears while shouting, "Can you not say F-U-C-K?" The little snot who spit at Not!A laughs in the background as Not!A continues to shout at him. Finally, Not!B has to banish Not!A once she starts to call the kid a son of a bitch. Heh. This whole scene was actually vastly entertaining.

Later, NBD!chick, Perky!Cheerleader!Barbie, and co show up to hang out in the backyard. They're pushing one of the little girls on the tire swing while stupid NBD!chick, who is hell bent on corrupting the youth of America, starts talking about when they first starting doing drugs. So Not!B has to be all, "Can we not talk about D-R-U-G-S right now?" Not!Anna one-ups her by whipping out her baggie of 'shrooms and munching on them right there! Role model! Not!Anna was really amusing in an "I'd never let impressionable youth near her" kind of way.

Not!B is pissed that Not!A is digging into her stash when they promised that they'd do it together. So everyone starts chanting at Not!Blair to take out her 'shrooms too since the obvious thing to do while in charge of little kids is to get high. It's a choice time to decide to be irresponsible.

Not!Blair, obviously not as strong-willed as Blair, gives in because she doesn't want to trip all by herself. She's all, "If I take them right now, how long is it going to take to kick in?" Oh, Not!Blair! Here's hoping those kids don't burn down the house!

Later, Not!Blair and Not!Anna are totally tripping when Not!Anna has the brilliant plan to hang out in a bubble bath?

Right before this scene, there was a party scene with the other characters during which I thought to myself, "Oh man, this is totally like Can't Hardly Wait but lamer! I'd rather watch Can't Hardly Wait right now!" So imagine the LOLz I received when they started to play Sneaker Pimps' 6 Underground during this bubble bath scene! Anyway, Not!Blair and Not!Anna have pseudo-deep conversation about how home is a feeling interspersed with Not!Blair's overwhelming urge to go have some pink lemonade. Oh man, I want some pink lemonade right now too!

But then they hear the door slam downstairs and realize that kids' parents are home! Not!Anna hates to clean so she offers to keep the parents busy while Not!B cleans the upstairs. Except Not!Anna is high as a kite and already has a baseline of crazy so that might not be the smartest move ever. She'd probably offer the parents 'shrooms if she had any left over!

What Not!Anna ends up telling them isn't that much better: "I think it was, like, nine o'clock when I, all of a sudden, got the urge to go murder the kiddies. Believe it or not, I actually had to grip the sides of your sofa to keep from running into your kitchen and grabbing a butcher knife--" Not!Blair comes down and, giggling, introduces them once again to Not!Anna and says that she's sorry that they had to meet Not!Anna. Then they run out. Hopefully, Not!Blair won't be using the parents as a reference any time soon.

Not!Blair and Not!Anna decide not to go to the keg party and just hang out on someone's lawn instead.

And that's pretty much how her storyline ends.

But the most squee-tastic moment of this entire movie was that the song they were playing during the end credits was Sea Wolf's You're A Wolf! Even this movie ships Blair and Chuck! AWESOME SAUCE!

BTW, please don't steal the screencaps! It took me forever to cap and clean them.

In other unrelated news, is there anyone feeling kind and generous who wants to buy me a paid account so I can have more than six icons without being saddled with the fug of ads? THINK OF THE PRETTY! And how many more cracktastic posts I'd make if I could use a different icon every time I posted! Pretty please with a bowtie on top?

pseudo-picspam: Mental acuity comes in matching colors!

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 06:44:20 GMT

I had a random observation about last night's Gossip Girl, which somehow lead to a pseudo-picspam.
PSEUDO-PICSPAM: Mental acuity comes in matching colors!

We all know how much Blair and Chuck love matchy-matchy. (But wow, the blonde extra behind Chuck looks like a man.)

But dude, the van der Basses were matching as well! Just look at Serena's gloves! I guess all that time spent fretting over Georgina at Chuck's suite gave the two sibs a chance to coordinate their outfits for the week! Aww, I love the van der Basses! Who else is going to support your decision to dress like an orange if not the step-sister you want to have sibcestuous relations with?

Also awesome? My two favorite bitches of academia, Blair Waldorf and Nelly Yuki, were matching it up. Nelly Yuki didn't look as fierce as Blair, but let's not expect so much greatness so soon. I appreciated it all the same.

Besides, she made Blair's bitches really entertaining. That fake sympathy was ace! (I'm thinking that Is wasn't present during the recon mission because Blair couldn't take the chance that she would straight up ask Nelly Yuki what her weakness was.)

In sum: Never change, Nelly Yuki.

Please don't steal the screencaps or Nelly Yuki will be forced to crack some skulls!

I'm multi-tasking. Also doing taxes. And Cuddy.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 02:00:28 GMT

CHASE. HOUSE. BOWLING. AWESOME. CTB, I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE THAN EVER FOR BEING THE REASON FOR THIS.

House. Cuddy. That last scene. SO, SO, SO HOT. Those two are totally having sex offscreen.

The rest of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" was pretty lame.

Hazel...you're just along for the ride, okay?

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:03:04 GMT

I figured that tonight's Gossip Girl, "Desperately Seeking Serena," would be good within the first five seconds when we found out that OMG, DOROTA IS TOTALLY BLAIR'S STUDY BUDDY! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE. Oh Schwartz, you've figured me out so well! As long as Dorota is in the first five seconds of every episode, it's guaranteed to be a success in my eyes. Well played, Schwartz.

The Humphreys were actually funny. At least they were during the first five minutes. Dan cried and begged Rufus to walk him to school in a post-traumatic tee ball induced show of pansyism! I knew Dan reacted to bad situations by becoming a total girl! LOVE IT! How much do you want to bet that Cedric joined the family soon after that? Oh wee!Dan, you had personality! Too bad teen!Dan is trying to be an extra on Law & Order. He was playing good cop and bad cop. It was odd. Apparently, it is impossible for Dan to stop being judgemental for an entire episode. He was doing so well too. I hope talking about his grandma is not going to be running joke with him. BTW, I totally thought that Jenny had gotten Rufus to buy a dog so she could be a creeper and snag the hot dog-walker guy by faking a love for dogs.

But sorry Humps, the van der Basses do it much better. Chuck looked absolutely adorable in the green and white striped sweater. Gone are the days of shark sweaters! Chuck was looking very svelt! I approve.

And Chuck had the redhead on retainer! He's her Serena's emergency contact! BEST. STEP-SIBS. EVER. Because even if Serena is half-drunk and considering the idea of sleeping it off on a back road in Mexico despite giving her underwear to her drug-dealer ex-boyfriend in exchange for crack, she knows that Chuck won't judge her because he'll find it inspiring instead; if anything, he'll want to join in on the coke-addled fun. In fact, I sort of want to ship Georgina/Chuck because of how they're totally the WORST INFLUENCES EVER (though Chuck is trying to turn over a new leaf...in the hopes that there will finally be some sib!cest in his future). I really can't believe that Chuck did not like Georgina (who of course was wearing excessive eyeliner to signify that she is bad ass -- see: Kelly Taylor during those two episodes of 90210 in which she was a cokehead). They would be deliciously evil together even if Georgina's way tamer than I thought she'd be. They both like to manipulate the situation and set up the worst possible scenario so that they can later jump in to act as savior. Those two just want to be loved and needed! Besides, Chuck and Georgie already have that "could be a date rapist" thing in common. Really, was there anyone who didn't see that coming? I mean, besides Serena who probably believes in fairies and unicorns too.

I call bull on Vanessa just being able to walk into Hunter to take the SATs. I'm sure it hasn't changed that much from the-good-ol'-the-highest-you-can-get-is-1600 days: you still have to register beforehand and walk in there with a ticket, right? And you know, PAY to take the test? If not, any homeless person could take the SATs, get a bitchin' score, and take Nate's spot at Dartmouth. (There's no way that I believe that Nate's scores were good enough to get into Dartmouth. We're talking about Nate here. Nate! Forget Penelope, Nate should be dating Hazel, who apparently has nothing to offer either. At least Nate has arm!porn. Hazel really does fail at life.) And even though this episode was all about Serena, that moment where Blair sees N/V and looks completely heartbroken hurt my soul. Leighton Meester, you're too fabulous for words!

Speaking of which, Blair Waldorf v. Nelly Yuki was a fun sideplot. The best part was that Blair kept using Nelly Yuki's first and last name every time she talked about Nelly Yuki. Or to Nelly Yuki. Or crocheting about Nelly Yuki. I, too, shall refer to her only as Nelly Yuki. However, I'd love it if we could get Blair involved in the Georgina plot. Blair threatening to be all cage fighter on Serena's behalf is always, always awesome. Which might just happen next week. YAY!

House/BSG fic: The Once and Future Thing (House, Cuddy, Boomer, Leoben, Kara, Three, Six)

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:27:54 GMT

So that House/BSG crossover that I said I wouldn't write? I lied.

The Once and Future Thing
Disclaimer: 'House, M.D.' belongs to David Shore and FOX. 'Battlestar Galactica' belongs to Ronald D. Moore, David Eick, and the SciFi Channel. No infringement intended.
Summary: Past, present, and future reside on the same intertwined string. (House, Cuddy, Boomer, Leoben, Kara, Three, Six)
Spoilers: ('House, M.D.') 4x3 '97 Seconds'; ('Battlestar Galactica') 3x20 'Crossroads, Part II'.
Note: Six connected drabbles, 100 words each.

The first time he dies (first time; he should've realized how cardinally screwed up he was from that alone), he only remembers the feeling of weightlessness: a thousand snapshot pieces of a prolonged morphine high as he swims in air and glides across water. He's dead for sixty three seconds exactly before he hears a faint just breathe and Cuddy pulls him back to life.

"So what's the after-life like?" she asks.

It sounds like Bob Dylan.

"Buoyancy," he explains years later to Cuddy when they're both too drunk to forget talking about the things they're not supposed to remember.

*

In the bottom drawer of her desk, there's a stack of articles with pages and pages of dosages boxed in red and sentences highlighted in neon green; frantic notes – questions, comments, reminders – line the margins of The New England Journal of Medicine in black ink.

"All this time I thought you were staying late to finish budget reports."

When he holds up the blue folder for her to see, Cuddy's face is equal parts annoyance and guilt.

"I want the ketamine."
"It's too dangerous."
"Consider it my early birthday present."
"How many lives do you think you have?"

He smiles.

*

There's an eerie sense of déjà vu associated with the second time, a memory of someone else's memory. He feels the bullet drilling into his stomach before the shooter pulls the trigger, handcuffs cutting into his wrists and metal clanging against tin while his ears ring with the a priori sound of gunshots flying through a pressurized hallway (reduce atmospheric nitrogen by 0.03%). Love he's never known dies a slow death.

Cameron shouts that he's bleeding too much while Chase screams at Foreman to get help. It's fine, he wants to reassure them. This has all happened before after all.

*

A deal brokered with his Cuddy-mandated therapist: one truth about his near-death experience(s) in exchange for a seal of approval to get back to work.

(The deafening beep of an activated airlock: the heat of her fingers pulse against the circular ridges of his own through the glass window. Past, present, and future reside on the same intertwined string; it's only a matter of time before they meet again. With their special destiny on his mind and a smile on his lips, he dives out into cold space.)

"The white light is actually red."
"See you next week," she sighs.

*

The overdose is accidental. He vaguely hears Wilson calling his name before there's a flash of blinding white light, the spots dancing across his eyeballs for a tiny moment before his vision clears and the warmth spreads over his body.

"The Final Five," a familiar voice whispers. "Is it really you?"

He nods without meaning to, wanting desperately to step off the podium and out of the light. If this is heaven, then he's a deity (it's all so wrong).

"Forgive me," she says, eyes flickering with reverence. Then she's gone.

Heaven disappears as the paramedics yell out his vitals.

*

A spark and he's dead. When he opens his eyes, there's a gorgeous blonde leaning over him, hand in his hair while he forgets how to breathe.

"You're safe," she assures.
"Where am I?"

He's sitting in a glorified bathtub full of amnion in the middle of a high-tech physical therapy room surrounded by beefed up Roombas and cultist model-types staring at him in awe. Like the contents of a hazy dream spilled out onto a pseudo-reality, he has an almost visceral recognition of this place.

"You're home," the brunette whispers as he slips away.

His ninety-seven seconds are up.

Gossip Girl fic: An Outsider's Guide to Social Climbing: Wear a Helmet (J, B, S, D, C)

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 04:23:06 GMT

An Outsider's Guide to Social Climbing: Wear a Helmet
Disclaimer: 'Gossip Girl' belongs to Cecily von Ziegesar, Josh Schwartz, and the CW. No infringement intended.
Summary: She's a puppeteer whose fingers are so deft at pulling on the strings that her marionettes believe themselves to be autonomous. (Jenny, Blair, Serena, Dan, Chuck)
Spoilers: 1x14 'The Blair Bitch Project'.

Jenny hates Blair Waldorf in the same way that she hates Paninis when she's on Atkins, a circular hate that goes back to hating herself so much for wanting something that is obviously bad for her yet entirely too appealing to ignore. She could stop trying to win Blair's favor. Cut her losses and accept that she's not meant to be part of the elite inner sanctum of fake friendships and one-of-a-kind designer purses sent straight from Prada and Coach. Things haven't changed so much that she can't go back – Rufus still cuts the crusts off her sandwiches and arranges the slices of banana in a smiley face against the peanut butter background. The option of trading in her occasional seat on the steps for a spot on the bench with the masses is still open. Barney's means the same thing as Conway at the loser table and at least there she won't have to buy (rent) her friendships by crossing off items on scrolls of things to do in preparation for a ball that she's not invited to.

"This is not who you are," Dan reminds her sadly like who she really is is so damn special.

She bites her tongue to keep from reminding him that not everyone is lucky enough to meet Serena van der Woodsen when she's slumming it ("Who you are has no chance of surviving in her world," she swallows down with the cup of coffee that he thinks she's too young to be drinking).

"This is who I choose to be," she spits out instead. She's never been able to stick to her diet plans anyway.

*

The common (mis)conception is that Serena gets everything because of her spectacular hair and her flawless skin and her drunken, but radiant, smile (she's drunk off of life these days, being reformed and all). Ninety percent of why people hate Serena is for the same reasons that they hate Barbie – she's so perfect that it's unreal.

The thing with Blair is that no one hates her, not really. She's not drop-dead gorgeous like Serena and her life isn't Choose-Your-Own-Adventure-and-then-flip-your-blonde-locks-and-bat-your-eyelashes-if-you-want-a-redo either. Blair's brand of practiced perfection is seemingly done with so little effort that Jenny admires her dedication to honing her craft. There is something enviable about someone who deals that brilliantly in manipulations: she's a puppeteer whose fingers are so deft at pulling on the strings that her marionettes believe themselves to be autonomous.

Jenny would hate Blair if she wasn't so busy taking notes on how to be her.

*

It's almost a relief that Blair hates her by the time her birthday rolls around because Jenny would never know what to get the girl who has everything that she herself wants. It's chancy to bank on the possibility that Blair subscribes to the it's-the-thought-that-counts school of thinking, but Jenny's put too much work into getting Blair to remember her name to give it all up now. She feels like an idiot for thinking that telling Blair the truth would earn her points; she keeps having to remind herself to check the Humphrey ideology at the door (there's no room in her new world for honesty or concern).

The homemade birthday card is horribly elementary school, one tier short of baking cupcakes and making friendship scrapbooks, but the possibilities that a friendship with Blair Waldorf opens up are worth the twenty sorrys that Jenny has scribbled all over the inside of the card in her pretty remember-when-I-helped-you-out calligraphy. Hopefully, Blair is not immune to nostalgia.

*

The problem with projected perfection is that it's a trick of the light, a holographic image that can be destroyed at any moment with a well-placed mirror and a crowd eager to witness the downfall of royalty. Jenny is almost sad to give Blair that final push down into the crowd of vultures waiting at the bottom of the Met steps to point and mock and judge her, but almost isn't strong enough to turn down an invite to be a permanent fixture in the new social court.

Hazel and Penelope are co-queens of the new hierarchy because it takes two people to fill Blair's shoes (and, even then, they are not nearly half as intimidating as her). Blair and Serena stake out a spot left of center on the steps every morning afterwards, sipping on their chai lattes and speaking in whispers so hushed that people are more concerned about the finer details of the outcasts' conversations than about what shoes Hazel plans to wear to Kati's going-away party and who is currently dating Penelope. Jenny imagines that Blair regales Serena with when I was queen stories before she remembers that their friendship, unlike everything else in the Upper East Side, is beyond superficial. Once again, Jenny finds herself rooted in the same spot from months past: she's wearing more expensive shoes and the spotlight burns hot on her face, but she still wants what Blair has.

You had it, the voice in her head hisses, but you bartered it away and now you have nothing.

*

She considers it karmic payback from the cosmos, but honestly Jenny doesn't mean for the ice cream to slip from her spoon. The idea of humiliating Blair never even occurs to her until after it happens and the courtyard is buzzing with laughter at the former queen's expense and Hazel is patting her on the back with a self-satisfied smirk.

The high that pumps through her veins when she watches Blair run off in embarrassment is addictive; in the middle of French class and during history quizzes, Jenny finds herself dreaming up ways to make Blair miserable.

"Blair didn't treat you like that," Dan reminds her later, disapproval lacing his words.
"Like Blair's never done that to anyone before," she scoffs, putting all her concentration into applying another coat of nail polish.
"You're not Blair, Jen."
"Good," she shouts, exasperated, "because Blair's a nobody now."
"Do you like the person that you're becoming?"

She shrugs. The currency of Blair's tears is far less taxing on her bank account.

*

Sometimes Jenny forgets that not everyone has defected from Team Waldorf. She doesn't expect Chuck Bass to be loyal to Blair (or anyone for that matter), but there are only a handful of reasons that she'd walk out of choir practice to find him leaning against her locker and all of them have to do with Blair.

"Little Jenny Humphrey," he smirks. Her name has never felt as dirty as it does at that moment.
"What do you want, Chuck? I'm tired."
"I can imagine," he sympathizes appreciatively. "Social climbing is hard work."

Chuck smells like Polo and pot; she can feel herself getting high by diffusion.

"Since you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth," she replies hazily, "I doubt you're here for pointers."
"Leave Blair alone," he warns in a low voice, inches away from her ear.
Jenny summons her best imitation of Blair, rolling her eyes as she scoffs, "Isn't it bad enough that she kicked you to the curb? You're stalking her now?"
"Bart owns Butter."

Of course. The look in his eyes is dangerous and reckless like he could destroy her with a few taps of his Blackberry; even though she has no dirty laundry to speak of, Jenny mentally goes through all of her secrets for something even remotely incriminating.

"Does Blair know that you're fighting her battles?"
"Blair can hold her own."
"Apparently not."
"This conversation is more for your benefit," he clarifies, moving away from her locker with a smile. "You've worked too hard to lose everything because you didn't take the chance to back off Blair while you still could."

*

It turns out that even without the crew of minions to cheer her on, Blair can dish out payback as good as she gets it. Objectively speaking, Jenny is more than impressed with how swiftly and effectively Blair can cause social ruin when she puts her mind to it. There's something to be said for having that kind of tenacity.

One Carvel cake, a plate of Rice Krispy treats, and a whispered conversation between Blair and Nate later, Jenny's face is plastered all over Gossip Girl, hands painted red and thief sprawled all over the caption. Five minutes past midnight, Jenny finds herself one year older with no friends, no social status, and no reputation. The only thing she has is a homemade card propped up against the lamp on her bedside table.

"Happy birthday, Little J," Blair's large, loopy handwriting reads. "Welcome to the big leagues."

I think I preferred it when you cried.

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 02:59:40 GMT

Tonight's BSG, "Escape Velocity," was kind of boring. I think I've been spoiled by the awesome basestar scenes in the last few episodes so to have absolutely no basestar scenes really took away from the episode. I miss those crazy cylons, dammit! And can the crew PLEASE stop accidentally putting Racetrack's life in danger? I absolutely love Racetrack and it would be really swell if she didn't die, thankyouverymuch.

I was more distressed by the loss of Roslin's shiny hair than I was about Cally's funeral thing. Mostly because I started wondering, "Wait, of the tons of people who died, Cally's the one who gets a funeral? Jigga wha? Priorities!" I like the shirt that Chief was wearing. I didn't think anyone in the Galactica owned striped shirts or nice shirts for that matter -- except when Lee managed to get his hands on a tailored suit for the trial. Between Lee's suits and Gaius' members only jackets from an African safari, I have no idea where everyone is getting their new wardrobes. The scariest thing was Tigh offering Chief words of comfort (and changing Nicky!). Saul motherfrakin' Tigh! Comfort! Consider my mind boggled.

Tigh's sessions with Dr. Six were pretty cool. I love that their natural inclination is to always beat the crap out of each other. That was like a scene straight out of Fight Club. Six had the same crazy look in her eyes. It was pretty wicked. However, I still ain't shipping Tigh/Six. Nuh uh. No way. That would be gross.

Chief snapped and I sort of didn't understand half of what was going on. Adama threatened to shoot Cally? When was this and why don't I remember? I did smile when Chief talked about how he was in love with Boomer and then she had to go and be a cylon and get capped by Cally. Aww! I didn't care one way or another about Chief/Boomer (I didn't love or hate them, but that's because I spent most of S1 going all, "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE REALIZE SHE'S A CYLON?"), but I'm glad the show remembers their love! Of course Chief was in love with Boomer! Much like Six, Sharon and all her incarnations are pretty awesome! Those cylons sure know how to rock the multiple personalities.

I completely forgot about the shit ship's mission to Earth until the last four seconds when they randomly showed Kara and Anders. The way to Earth is so not a priority anymore. How can I be expected to care about that when Adama is walking around with Roslin's purse slung on his shoulder? That was THE GREATEST THING EVER! And how they just naturally link arms when they're walking through the Galactica! MOMMY AND DADDY ARE SO AWESOME WHEN THEY'RE IN LOVE AGAIN AND NOT ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER! And they're so flirty! And Bear McCreary was totally rocking the modified Adama/Roslin theme with 70% more "Damn you world, I can't believe the cancer is taking my girlfriend!" angst! LOVE. IT.

"He's doing what he thinks is right."
"Well yeah, it's Lee."

HEE! Why does Lee keep trying to ruin everything by pissing off Roslin? Ugh, Lee is so annoying! His political sideplot is really boring. If Lee could just go away for awhile so that Roslin could spend her time adorably flirting with Adama, that would be awesome.

Gossip Girl fanmix: Make Plans To Break Plans EP (Blair/Chuck)

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:32:24 GMT

a Blair Waldorf/Chuck Bass EP: Make Plans To Break Plans

spoilers: Very vaguely for 1x13 'A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate'

01. The Academy Is... - The Phrase That Pays
I make plans to break plans
and I've been planning something big, planning something big
so take a chance and make it big
'cause it's the last you'll ever get

02. Motion City Soundtrack - Attractive Today
say it's true, say you like me (I like you)
just for the night
for me it's been eternity
and as I gently sip this drink
I think about my lack of future
and all the places I could learn to fall in love

03. All Time Low - Coffee Shop Soundtrack
should I write myself out of the history books
and mark a place in time for every chance you took
don't get me wrong
I know you've got your life in place
I've yet to take the hint
someday, I'm sure I'll get the picture
stop waiting up

04. The Spill Canvas - Gold Dust Woman
did she make you cry?
make you break down?
shatter your illusions of love?
well, is it over now?
do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home?

05. Garbage - You Look So Fine (Fun Lovin' Criminals Remix)
you look so fine
I want to break your heart
and give you mine
you're taking me over

zip file with mp3s and cover art (14.56mb): here (mf) or here (ss)

Please comment if snagging :).