we're half awake in a fake empire

disclaimer: the avengers belongs to marvel.
summary: When Clint begs her to tell him something real, she pretends not to hear. Natasha has only ever known false prophets. pg-13. 622 words.
spoilers: blanket warning for the entire movie and vague comics references.
note: GOD, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. SORRY.



( The twitch in his jaw says they should kill him, but the arrow holds steady between Loki's eyes and Cap says no. )

A) I'm still a time bomb of Avengers feelings, particularly of the SPIES variety, but my shame spiral is well documented all over twitter and tumblr so I will spare you from that word vomit except to wonder when it was that I stopped being able to write fics of an acceptable length. TOO MANY FEELS THAT CANNOT BE CONTAINED. I can't even remember what it feels like to have other interests, but I'm going to try to fake it anyway. Avengers cast feelings have bled into excitement for Snow White and the Huntsman because CHRIS HEMSWORTH CAN GET IT! I'm also super stoked for The Summer of Charlize Theron because I suspect that it will be amazing and her answers on the respective press tours will give me life.

B) I'm kind of annoyed that Cougar Town is moving to TBS because I like watching it on hulu the day after, but it's better than cancelation so I can't complain. ( Let's talk about how the end of the last episode left me heartbroken! )

C) Caught up on Community because I only enjoy this show if I have a small stockpile of episodes to burn through all at once. ( The twist non-twist in the finale was really great! )

D) I am so bored with Revenge that I wish they'd left it at 13 episodes and started up again next tv season. What is worse than being predictable is being predictably boring! I need Victoria to get so many more people shivved and Emily to get cracking on the revenge scheming again. She's gotten complacent which is annoying to watch. I miss seeing people get defenestrated! This week's flashback-within-flashback episode was even more ridiculous than Nick Wechsler's wig!

E) Speaking of dumb things, ( I still watch TVD so let's talk about that finale. )

F) I stuck through the bad acting of The Secret Circle to the bitter end! I'd probably say something about how it blows that The CW axed it just as it had gotten somewhere good with the individual powers, but let's be totally real here: there is very little that was good about the show and what I'd really mean is that I enjoyed the aesthetics of Faye and Jake making out and Faye choosing uteruses over duderuses at the end.

G) The Parks and Rec finale was perfect! ( I expected nothing less! )

Side note: I don't know how Rashida Jones and GOOP met each other but I'm loving the tweets back and forth between them. I don't know how GOOP is besties with half the people she is besties with, but it is an endless source of enjoyment for me.

H) I watched Dark Shadows yesterday and IT WAS TERRIBLE! Tim Burton has gotten to this place in his life where he's like an SNL spoof of himself and I don't understand it! The entire time that I was watching the film, I wished I was watching The Addams Family or Edward Scissorhands. The nicest thing I can say about it is that Michelle Pfeiffer looked great so I'm glad her agent is not exclusively getting her jobs that require her looking like a cradle-robbing bag lady and that if Hollywood ever decides to do a remake of Alicia Silverstone's Crush, Chloe Moretz would be perfect for it. Her disenchanted teenager act was probably my favorite thing about the movie. That and Alice Cooper!

Avengers was finally released today so my friends and I went to go see it tonight and HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, EXPECTATIONS MET AND EXCEEDED AND TOSSED TO THE MOON! I need to watch it over a billion times and have it run on a continuous loop across my eyeballs! ( There was THAT MUCH perfection involved! )

IN SUM, I LOVED IT.

THESE STUPID FACES REFLECT MY STUPID FACE RIGHT NOW. I love you, Bats, but Nolan better bring it SO HARD with TDKR to even compare to this euphoria.

A) I stopped caring about the Hollywood Walk of Fame when I realized that they'll pretty much give a star to anyone, but HOLY CRAP, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE NOT DATING?

GIVE IN. It is a testament to how strong the situation is that I don't even care about that weird soul patch thing Jeremy Renner has going on! They've apparently known each other for ten years because they met in a dark corner and made out at some Young Hollywood party when Jeremy Renner still had questionable hair choices and ScarJo thought wearing a pair of gross old Converses was hipster chic? I just want so many fics of them without actually having to write any of them. /storyofmylife Last weekend, I maybe started something but it went to a pseudo-maudlin Ryan Reynolds place at some point (why do I feel the need to bother with set-up) and then all I wanted to do was write about their awkward European trip and ScarJo maybe meeting Rebecca Hall for lunch and asking for advice despite the Sam Mendes homewrecker rumors and alluding to the thing that I always wanted Hall to have with Bale - despite my ambivalence regarding all things Sherlock, I am super into the idea of a gender-swapped version with Hall as Sherlock and Bale as Watson - and who even wants to read any of this when we should all be talking about cast viewing parties of The Nanny Diaries (let me believe this is a thing) and the love of Jeremy Renner's life being his dog and basically every interview these two have done with each other in which they are weird and adorable.

B) AVENGERS FRIDAY NIGHT! CAN'T WAIT! May Marvel never leave America as the last place to get the movie ever again! I've remained spoiler-free and everything so don't ruin this for me in the next two days, interwebs!

C) I like this new trailer so much better than the other ones for The Dark Knight Rises even though it's like 75% Anne Hathaway. I'm actually excited for this movie now! JGL: lookin' good with your face, bro! And Christian Bale and Marion Cotillard making out YESSSS that's all I want! I'm hoping that enough of it is going to work thematically for me (Batman sacrificing everything for Gotham: favorite!) to enable me to get over the sketch casting and Tom Hardy's mumbling.

D) I decided to watch Best Friends Forever when I got home today even though I knew that NBC cancelled it and now I'm bummed that I did because it was really endearing and the characters were likable and who knows how many other people from Veep (watch that if you haven't because it's also great!) would've popped up if it had been allowed to continue for more than four episodes! God NBC, why are you the worst at marketing, promotion, and everything?

E) I probably had more tv I wanted to talk about, but nope, just gonna ride the wave of superhero feelings.

I don't know, you guys. Maybe never let me watch that many superhero movies in a row again because then I find myself randomly going on GOOP and THIS IS THE KIND OF STUFF THAT HAPPENS.


where is the great bar with organic wine?
rpf. you are aware that this is a terrible habit, right? (rdj/paltrow)

( Nobody in the history of the world has ever been as happy to see Gwyneth as Scarlett is while filming The Avengers. )

A) I watched Girls earlier in the week because I was curious about all the hype. UNFOUNDED! It really sucked! Not even going into how everyone looked the same and was interchangeably unlikable, I didn't laugh once. It was like this hipster disaster that tried too too hard to be witty under the guise of being "real." I really wanted to be watching Freaks and Geeks instead the moment I saw Sam's mother playing the lead girl's mom in this.

B) Game of Thrones was so good this week! All of Sansa's scenes! Cersei's unwillingness to give up her daughter! Renly/Tyrells: favorite! The dynamics there are fascinating! (Gethin Anthony's boobs were so distracting though! WEAR A BRO, BRO!) There was other stuff that I can't remember anymore like the Greyjoy baptism vows sounding vaguely very dirty and how Yoren was my everything during his scenes, but this episode fired on all cylinders!

C) But speaking of GoT, Revenge came back and I think we can all agree that in some ways it's unfortunate that Revenge is not on HBO because Victoria would've been Lannister-ing it up with Daniel since the freakin' pilot if ABC was not responsible! ( I'd like Daniel so much more if they let the actor use his natural British accent! )

D) I randomly decided to rewatch all the tie-in movies that have led to Avengers earlier this week because I haven't watched any of them over again (except Iron Man) in their entirety since going to see them in theaters. ( It was a weird experience. )

E) I haven't watched an episode of Suburgatory since the whelming pilot, but I obviously watched this week's episode because HOW COULD I NOT TUNE IN FOR A CLUELESS REUNION?

It was basically my brain screaming with joy every time Elton and Cher had a scene, but oh god the opener with "Linger" playing in the background KILLED ME! I guess no one swiped Elton's Cranberries CD from the quad after all! ALSO SUCK AND BLOW. The non-Cher parts of the episode were not interesting to me in the least which is unfortunate because Jane Levy really is adorable and I'd love to see her and Emma Stone play ginger sisters who accidentally get involved in a jewel heist after grabbing the wrong luggage at the airport on their European backpack adventure. Nevertheless, I'm tuning in for every Alicia Silverstone episode if they keep this up and won't even think about how she feeds her kid out of her mouth like a bird because she's apparently a total freak in real life. LA LA LA WIPED THAT VIDEO FROM MY BRAIN.

F) I haven't watched Gossip Girl in YEARS, but this almost made me want to hunt down a clip. DEAR GOD, IT ZIPS UP THE ENTIRE WAY!

G) The scene with Lane and Pete this week was the greatest thing to happen on Mad Men since the lawn mower ran over that dude's toe in the office! I laughed, I cried, I chanted first rule of fight club! It was beautiful! Still not fond of Don negating his marriage to Betty and being a good guy NOW to make it work with Meghan (the Drapers are my lobsters!), but strangely I was really hoping for a Don/Trudy thing during this week's episode? Where did that come from? Also Kenny/Peggy, but I've had those feelings since the first season, no big.

A) The Avengers LA premiere was last night and Marvel livestreamed the red carpet, which I swore I wasn't going to watch because it is hella boring, but then I watched once the cast showed up anyway (RDJ rolled up in a convertible with a SHIELD entourage! UGH FAVORITE FOREVER FOR A REASON!) and now I am beyond excited and hate myself. I just want to keep my feelings at whelmed status so that there is room to be overwhelmed instead of going into it all I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR and being disappointed. TOO LATE THOUGH, I'M ALL IN. ( I'm also feeling super fond of the cast right now. )

B) CATWOMAN'S LOOK IS A HOT DAMN MESS. At this point, I'm starting to feel bad for Anne Hathaway because she is saddled with having to attempt to sell that. I mean not enough to stop wishing that it was someone else, but still, production did her no favors whatsoever! When the only picture I'm into is the one with perpetually judgmental Lucius, your marketing strategy needs work.

C) The Looper trailer is a mixed bag. In theory, time traveling assassins is something I would be very much into, but the truth of the matter is that JGL looks like Kirk Cameron in the prosthetics and I just cannot unsee that. WHEN HAS BRUCE WILLIS *EVER* LOOKED LIKE THAT? What were the makeup people smoking? Why would you have JGL and Emily Blunt in a movie together and fug one of them up so badly that I cannot possibly ship it?

D) The show is a total clusterfuck and I am going to be really hard pressed to care once Karen Gillan leaves (maybe it's for the best since Amy's characterization was stripped away so long ago), but all of the Doctor Who filming pics are killing me! Matt Smith and Karen Gillan being adorable in Central Park and stealing glasses and sniffing hair and PLEASE DON'T TRY TO TELL ME THAT THEY'RE NOT SECRETLY DATING! Never in my life have I wanted to write RPF based on a blurry picture as much as I did after seeing this!

How are there not a million fics of them getting increasingly careless about hiding their relationship as they finish filming Karen's last season?

E) Last week's Community was really enjoyable! I haven't said something like that since the first season! Can Britta's amateur photography be a running gag until the end of time? On a different note, I think it's probably time for me to give up the ghost with Fringe. Charlie's never coming back, the only Lincoln I was invested in is gone but it doesn't look like Peter is disappearing anytime soon, and the writers think that any version of any of the characters is interchangeable with another. All of their narrative choices warrant swift cancellation.

F) Someone on tumblr mentioned that Gendry looks like young Ewan McGregor and now it's all I can think about when I'm watching Game Of Thrones. It's not really a problem as far as I'm concerned. The scene with him talking about pissing in front of Arya was hilarious, but is the tendency of people to ship them together something book-based? SHE IS A FETUS. HE IS LIKE HER PLATONIC BROTHER.

Ryan Gosling didn't let a British lady who didn't know to look both ways before crossing the street get pancaked and the internet swooned.



there goes my hero (he's ordinary)
disclaimer: this is completely fictional. these are all lies.
summary: "You're one kidnapped baby rescue mission away from becoming a Lifetime movie!" (Ryan Gosling/Emma Stone) pg-13. 628 words.

( The Acute Messiah Complex Flare Up(™ Kiki Dunst) )

A) I was only marginally interested in Game Of Thrones being back until about an hour before it was set to air so I'm glad that it was super great. ( Robb Stark should get it on with everyone! )

B) The trailer for The Newsroom is AMAHZING and that's coming from someone who doesn't care about Sorkin one way or the other. I am excited for this! I can get over Jeff Daniels being Keanu's partner who gets blown up in Speed really quickly, I promise! I also love that Matt Long always seems to play the same type of character but because those characters usually wear suits, it works out quite nicely for my eyeballs.

My friend and I managed to go see The Hunger Games this afternoon and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it! I thought it was better than the books by virtue of me actually giving a damn about Katniss this time! ( But real talk, the only triangle I cared about was the one between Katniss, Cinna, and Haymitch. )